GRRRRR!!

When the surgeons were cutting my throat every six weeks or so for two and a half years I got several infections. One of them, we think, killed my thyroid. I mean dead. That didn’t get noticed until about 8 months after my final surgery. And then they just gave me these huge doses of synthroid until my levels (TSH) were good. Then I started feeling very anxious and downright grumpy and short tempered all the time. My employees were not happy. Well I started training with a heart rate monitor. (they are great and everyone who is serious about their progress should do it.) That let me know that my heart rate was WAAAY to high. I was at 80% max (90 bpm)just resting, compared to my usual 60 that was not ok. I just thought it was due to the fact that I had gained 30lbs with the thyroid imbalance. All while riding 250+ miles a week. Just imagine how freaking huge I would be if I hadn’t ridden. Well one day while chasing Gary up a hill on one of our usual routes I started to feel really strange, a little confused and very sick at my stomach. Gary noticed something wasn’t right and came back to check on me. Some days the motor just can’t pull and you hit a wall. It happens to all of us and we figured that I had been pushing it to hard lately so maybe that was it. I just geared up and finished the last 10 miles at about 60% of normal. Gary kept asking me if I needed to stop but I am really stubborn when it comes to quitting on the bike. I just won’t do it. When we finished I was choking back the vomit and the instant I clipped out and tried to stand I passed out. BAM! Face in the dirt. We laughed it off but I made an appointment to meet with my endocrinologist. He told me that it was just coincidence that it coincided with the synthroid, that it was impossible for it to be the meds and that I needed to see a cardiologist. Well my grandfather (my superman) died from a bad heart. My stepfather, who raised me with my mom, died from a bad heart. I was scared shitless. I went to several GPs at WashU/CAM. They were all very thorough and did an enormous group of tests on me. Many were very not fun. The reactive dye fucking BURNS. They couldn’t find anything. The problems persisted. I was stricken from the bike. (surely punishment for some past aggression) After almost a year I made an appointment with my Family Cardiologist, can you believe that? He is one of the best in the nation and an avid cyclist so he saw me right away. More very un-fun tests. But he was able to tell me definitively that my heart, and cholesterol and about a billion other things were perfect. Let me say that again. Perfect. That’s right kids if I don’t get killed by a meteor I will live for a very long time. Sorry. What the hell was the problem and why the shortness of breath, rapid heart beat and weight gain if it wasn’t Congestive Heart Failure? He sent me to another endocrinologist. This one is one of the best and another WashU/CAM person. I walked into his office and as he was reading my chart and before I sat down he said “Oh your synthroid levels are too high and you were taken there too fast. This is an easy one.” A year of my life, 8 months off the bike, about a million tests all to get me into the room with the right guy. I love that guy. He stopped my synthroid dosage for a few days then started me out on a really small dose. We raise it every three months or so as the TSH test warrants. For the most part it means I get to live a nice normal (well for me) life. The problem is when they do up the dose I get a little “junkyard dog” for a few weeks. This is one of those weeks. I have to constantly rein myself in and remind myself not to growl at the locals. It is just from the systems being amped up. Think four pots of coffee a day with sleep deprivation (you know grad school and boot camp all rolled into one). In other words I am behaving very un-me like. More like me from the angry young man days. Those of you who were there will remember. The other bit about it that is getting on my nerves is it really effects my riding. I still have this fucking weight to get rid of and now it feels like I haven’t ever ridden a bike before. I am sure I need to learn lessons here about perseverance and patience but shit. Some days I just really need this mess to be over. It’s been so many years and so much hardship on me and all those around me. OK pity party over.

Life is still good it’s just been a really hard day.

Later,

Sam

The frogs are chirping outside in the ponds and it's nice enough to have a window open. So all in all my world really is fairly good.