Yeah ok it hurts
I am not moving around so well this morning. Right now I feel like I lost a fight, really lost. I slept well(ish) with only a few nightmares but that is par for the course with me. I have to work a full day and I just hope my back isn’t really hurt. That shit can ruin your world.
I was talking with a good friend the other day about the changes we have made in our lives. We used to be guys who would “go and do.” He did it in a much more serious way than I did. I left mostly of my own volition. He left due to injury. His decision was made for him and that has been hard. He has a fantastic wife and kids and I have no doubt that if that weren’t the case his life would not be good. We were talking about it in relation to playing different roles in our current lives than we are used to. My example is that I seem to have become a guy who sits and waits for a call or contact from Kate. That passive behavior thing isn’t really in my wiring. It’s very hard to deal with. Don’t get me wrong it’s worth it and much, much more if we can get this thing figured out but man it is difficult. I am used to making command decisions, quickly and accurately. Then following up with them. When I don’t have any real say in the decision process and I have to sit and wait I tend to get a bit squirrelly. I’ll do it. Hell I’ll eat fire if I have to I just am not enjoying the feeling at the moment. I should be used to not having any control. Three years of surgical nonsense taught me that the only thing I have any control over is my actions. It isn’t helplessness but it feels like it sometimes.
Look I’m not whining. My life is still fantastic. It’s just like all lives there are ups and downs. These last few weeks have just been rough. It feels a bit like my relationship is in the ICU and all I can do is wait and see if it survives. It’s rough. I want to jump in and save it. To do something. But what I have to do is nothing. I have to step back and let this work itself out. Not pressure. Not intrude. Just be patient. It’s hard. I go and do.
Later,
Sam
I was talking with a good friend the other day about the changes we have made in our lives. We used to be guys who would “go and do.” He did it in a much more serious way than I did. I left mostly of my own volition. He left due to injury. His decision was made for him and that has been hard. He has a fantastic wife and kids and I have no doubt that if that weren’t the case his life would not be good. We were talking about it in relation to playing different roles in our current lives than we are used to. My example is that I seem to have become a guy who sits and waits for a call or contact from Kate. That passive behavior thing isn’t really in my wiring. It’s very hard to deal with. Don’t get me wrong it’s worth it and much, much more if we can get this thing figured out but man it is difficult. I am used to making command decisions, quickly and accurately. Then following up with them. When I don’t have any real say in the decision process and I have to sit and wait I tend to get a bit squirrelly. I’ll do it. Hell I’ll eat fire if I have to I just am not enjoying the feeling at the moment. I should be used to not having any control. Three years of surgical nonsense taught me that the only thing I have any control over is my actions. It isn’t helplessness but it feels like it sometimes.
Look I’m not whining. My life is still fantastic. It’s just like all lives there are ups and downs. These last few weeks have just been rough. It feels a bit like my relationship is in the ICU and all I can do is wait and see if it survives. It’s rough. I want to jump in and save it. To do something. But what I have to do is nothing. I have to step back and let this work itself out. Not pressure. Not intrude. Just be patient. It’s hard. I go and do.
Later,
Sam
posted by just sam at
7:21 AM
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