Oh man new toys

I have a new phone! I switched from Verizon (big pain in the ass company that screwed me on my last phone) to T-Mobile (big pain in the ass German company). Why is this cause for celebration? Why is that a big deal? Well I’m glad you asked. It’s simple. I now own a world phone (quad band GSM). That means that I can use my pone and current phone number pretty much anywhere I travel. Apparently north Sri Lanka and North Korea don’t work but I can’t see myself there anytime soon. So dear readers those of you with my phone number can bug the crap out of me this fall while I am in Florence. Did I tell you guys that I will be there for at least two months this fall/winter? I am negotiating right now for an apartment. Let’s hear it for me.

There are a few other things that I will need for the trip. I think that I found a new camera today. A Pentax istDL. I also am getting two lenses an 18-55 wide angle and a Promaster 70-300 with macro. Its freaking awesome. While it’s only 6 Mega pixels it is an SLR camera and the lenses that I chose are soooo fucking cool. I haven’t actually paid for it yet since I am broke but it’s in my budget from the consulting check I have coming. Actually that check is paying for the whole trip. Really the whole thing is $200 below what I had planned on spending. Now while I sound like I know lots about cameras I really only learned what all of that stuff means in the last few days. My friends Gary and Dave (both one time professional photographers) seriously helped. I can’t do shit without my friends.

The things necessary for Italy are coming together. The apartment is in the works and I have started the lookout for research materials on the history of Florence. If you have any suggestions leave a comment and let me know. Any of you going to be in that part of the world this fall? If so let me know that too. We can grab some coffee and a chat. I have been focusing on this book and the trip pretty hard since Kate left. Well I think she left. She just sort of disappeared. Either she is breaking up with me very badly or something bad has happened. Knowing how she is with emotions I suspect I’ve been dumped. A serious bummer but hey I’m a grown-up. I’ll get over it. Still she was very groovy and I did have hopes of a future with her. Alas. Anyway I want ideas for other places and things to see in Florence and the surrounds. Hook a brother up, yo.

Later,
Sam

Oh with the pain. HOyl!

YOu are supposed to read that with a Jerry Lewis "HEy LaDee!" voice. My fucking back hurts. I think I need to go and see a doc. Not a fun day. I really wish I could just call it a day but it's saturday my $$$ day so that's out. GRRR!! This week sucks.

fuckety fuck fuck!

Sam

Yeah ok it hurts

I am not moving around so well this morning.  Right now I feel like I lost a fight, really lost.  I slept well(ish) with only a few nightmares but that is par for the course with me.  I have to work a full day and I just hope my back isn’t really hurt.  That shit can ruin your world.  

I was talking with a good friend the other day about the changes we have made in our lives.  We used to be guys who would “go and do.”  He did it in a much more serious way than I did.  I left mostly of my own volition.  He left due to injury.  His decision was made for him and that has been hard.  He has a fantastic wife and kids and I have no doubt that if that weren’t the case his life would not be good.  We were talking about it in relation to playing different roles in our current lives than we are used to.  My example is that I seem to have become a guy who sits and waits for a call or contact from Kate.  That passive behavior thing isn’t really in my wiring.  It’s very hard to deal with.  Don’t get me wrong it’s worth it and much, much more if we can get this thing figured out but man it is difficult.  I am used to making command decisions, quickly and accurately.  Then following up with them.  When I don’t have any real say in the decision process and I have to sit and wait I tend to get a bit squirrelly.  I’ll do it.  Hell I’ll eat fire if I have to I just am not enjoying the feeling at the moment.   I should be used to not having any control.  Three years of surgical nonsense taught me that the only thing I have any control over is my actions.  It isn’t helplessness but it feels like it sometimes.  

Look I’m not whining.  My life is still fantastic.  It’s just like all lives there are ups and downs.  These last few weeks have just been rough.  It feels a bit like my relationship is in the ICU and all I can do is wait and see if it survives.  It’s rough.  I want to jump in and save it.  To do something.  But what I have to do is nothing.  I have to step back and let this work itself out.  Not pressure.  Not intrude.  Just be patient.  It’s hard.  I go and do.

Later,
Sam

Well shit

Some days are better than others

Well today is not one of those good days. It isn’t the end of the world or anything just fairly sucky. Let’s start at the finish and work our way back. I am sitting here with a heating pad on my back in some considerable pain. Why you ask? Well on the way home from my day I got in a wreck. I was sitting at a red light on a major street when a 16 year old girl hit me doing about 45. Eloise is not too happy right now either. Her rear is fairly mushed. Not so bad to look at but she didn’t drive home well. I saw the car coming. I was looking in the rear view mirror and new that this kid wasn’t watching what was going on. What did I think right before her car slammed into mine? I watched in slow motion as that car charged mine and thought about how Kate seems to have gone. I had just a moment and I regretted that it might be irreversibly over with her and then BANG! Nothing mortal happend. Cut to a few minutes later and we have moved the cars off the road and into a parking lot. I called the police and made sure that the two teenage girls were ok. I then explained to the driver that if I had been on my motorcycle she would have killed me. That this was about as lucky as she was likely to get and that she needed to take some lessons away from this. Right now I have some serious pain in the muscles in my lower back and abdomen. The nausea is probably from the adrenalin wearing off. I always used to vomit after a particularly nasty bit in the old days. Just how my body deals with the adrenalin exit.

Rather than go into some other aspects of why it has been a fairly shitty few days let me tell you this. I am renting an apartment in Florence for at least a month later this year. I have some writing to do that really will require my being there. I think I’m gonna be near the Pitti Palace. However I may have to be near the Duomo. It all depends on how much I want to spend. It’s time to get back to the business of living and for me that means travel and writing. I may even take a job that a friend wants me to take in the Middle East. It pays about four years of my salary and would let me travel for a while. I’ll have to think it all over. I don’t really want to spend any time in a war zone but if I am a single guy really why not? I don't have anyone outside of family so I don't really have to worry about that. Pooh may have been right about things being better with two but if I'm gonna be alone then I am on the move. If you stop moving shit catches up to you...and apparently hits you from behind.


Later,
Sam

This morning on NPR

This morning on NPR they did a piece about soldiers.  At one point there was a woman talking of the memorial tree garden that this unit had made for its dead since 2001.  It was now a small forest of 300 trees.  She then says while half sobbing that their deaths had meaning.  Meaning.  Think about that.  Their DEATH had meaning.  Not their lives.  Not their future.  Not that they were someone’s kid or husband or father.  No that they died with a meaning.  How the fuck do you do that?  It pissed me off.  That sort of fallen heroes thing is just mythology.  What purpose is there in death?  Isn’t it life that has meaning?  Hell I don’t know.  It just pissed me off.

Later,
Sam

Despair it ain't

I have been informed that I have left hopelessness and despair up here for a while. That wasn't my intent. I went to an unhappy place for a bit true but not a place of either hopelessness or despair. Sadness, true, but never hopeless. Life is really good right now. There is much going on. The new shop will be finished in just a few weeks and we are picking up several new bike lines. Mostly though I am just trying to live my life well. Trying to do right by my personal life takes a lot of my energy too. Those of you who remember the old days should note that this is a very different time for me. There is no more anger in my days. Sure I get pissed off sometimes but it isn't my default setting any more. To be honest I am a bit sick of talking about myself. I have had to do a lot of it lately and man am I bored with me.

Later,
Sam

Hope is an evil thing

Hope is an evil thing


Life’s journey becomes a thing we endure after long enough alone.  We plod along and at times run, either from or toward something.  We travel with others when their path and ours share the way.  They leave to follow another path or their journey ends and once again we continue alone.  Then one day while walking down that road something just ahead shines.  It catches your eye and you begin to think perhaps I can reach that thing and then this will be better.  The journey will have a purpose.  Sometimes the shiny thing travels with us sometimes it is on another path and we only catch a glimpse of it.  But it always leaves and is replaced with hope and again we travel.  Waiting like junkies for the next shiny thing.

Everybody go and bug sumaarsita

She is a good friend who lives in that strange land of Canada. She doesn't post very often but when she does it tends to be much fun. But if you nice people go visit her Blog and tell her to write more who knows?

http://sumaarsita.livejournal.com/

Later,
Sam

I are somewhat Machiavellian?

You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead... But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself. You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place. You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

How Machiavellian Are You?

My friend Frogs posed his results a few days ago. These are mine and clearly that shows how much they know. So I guess in dog that translates into; wag, wag, grrrrr!, wag?

well yeah it looks painful

But really it doesn't hurt. I do look like I am wearing flesh colored socks though. Please also note the weird angle. It makes me look like I have tiny feet and HUGE legs. Those of you who have seen my giant duck feet know better. Still makes for a fun picture.

Later,
Sam

White trash lunch fest

Today my neighbor and I decided to have lunch outside. We are both having slow days and it is fantastic out so why not? This is it. We got barbecue from Red's rib shack. Very tasty.

the greatest sign in the area

I spotted this just this morning and had to share.
It begs a whole series of questions. If you can come up with any let me know.

Later,
Sam

Me no dead. me be busy.

Ok well here is a quick note.  I am not avoiding you all it’s just that it’s bike season and I am a very busy cat at the moment.  Something had to give and I need at least 5 hours of sleep a night so that means this isn’t gonna get updated all that often until season is over.

Later,
Sam