Hummingbirds and handgrenades

Today there is this beautiful hummingbird that keeps dive bombing a window in my study. I have been in here pretty much non-stop for the last several days. I told most everyone that I was going out of town and have just been at home hiding out. I had intended to leave town...actually was on the road when I realized that I had forgotten several really important things and so had to come home. I should clarify this. Lately stress has been my constant companion and I always seem to get a better perspective when I'm on the road. The whole travelling/thinking thing works for me. So the other day I just found myself driving and driving and driving. I wasn't headed anywhere I was just driving. It didn't help. I'm still a fucking mess. Blah, blah, blah. I don't want to whine so I am not going to get into it let's just say that food and sleep would be really nice.

I keep trying to remind myself that it is all really ok. That I don't have another surgery coming up. That I have this great new job starting soon etc. But it really isn't helping any. Relationships are a huge pain in the ass.

Later,
Sam